Black & White

All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside an equator
In your heart.
-Hafez

Friday flowers

i ask for summer

you give me winter.

i ask for colour

you give me none.

so i’ll paint you instead.

i’ll give you colour 

i’ll give you warmth.

sometimes you have to give 

before you get.

last Friday we had some surprising unexpected March snow, but it gave the perfect backdrop to these flowers.

a soul too big

It’s like she had a soul that was much too big for her;

it filled her to the brim till there was no more space,

so it flowed through her eyes.

-nick lake

these words sum her up pretty well. sometimes when I’m with her I feel overwhelmed by her soul. in a good way that is. she is one of the most amazing humans I know. rarely we stumble upon souls that have a magnetic pull so strong that our souls latch on instantly. a rare kind of magic. we wandered through the morning streets. wind hitting our faces. speaking of life, wants, needs, and hopes. trying to figure out where we stand in this thing called life. and it was good. you know. feeling a little lost together. 

Bloom

numb. 

just as i feel the cold has seeped too deep in to my bones. 

there’s a tingle. 

and i start to bloom again. 

Autumn touch

hello autumn. i'm so glad you're here again. 

so glad to feel your touch again. 

your crisp,
cold, but

not too cold, 

still enough to warm me, 

touch again.

Wanderess

'She was free in her wildness. 

She was a wanderess, a drop of free water. 

She belonged to no man and to no city' 

- Roman Payne

Wandering: Manchester, Central Library walk.

A diptych for two

Hello September.

everything and nothing

I'm really sad about how much I've been neglecting this space of mine, these last months. Life has been messy. A chain of unkind events. But it's ok. That's life right.

one day you will fall off the edge of the earth. 
and realize you are still walking.

- nayirrah waheed

You get the kind and the unkind. And we have to work out how to deal with the unkind.

So I've been slowly untangling the knots that I've been tied in. Working things out. Spending one too many hours in cafes. Finding comfort in words and silence. Listening to my heart. Feeling everything and nothing.

'feel it the thing you don't want to feel. feel it. and be free.'

-nayirrah waheed


p.s thank you dearly to all those who still stop by.

Give

I like to keep my flowers till the very end. Till the colours start to fade and the petals start to fall. When they are no longer soft at touch. I like to see their shape change. How they start to fall upon themselves. How they become beautifully fragile. I like to observe. Observe how they live beautifully and die beautifully. And by beautiful I don't just mean their outer beauty but beauty in all that they give, in the time they are around. Give. I think that's the important word here. And I realise. Time is fleeting. Change is inevitable. And our choices shape us. And I hope the choices I make are good ones. Choices that are somewhat molded by the word give. I think that's a beautiful way to live and die. Giving.

Last night

Last night, in private, I asked the wise old man to reveal to me the secret of the world. Softly he whispered, Hush!, in my ear: 
It’s something you learn, not words you can hear.

- Rumi

A diptych for two

The mouth should have three gatekeepers. 

Is it true? 

Is it kind? 

And is it necessary?

-Arab Proverb

A beautiful proverb and reminder that I always like to come back to, and try to apply to everyday life. Too often we let fruitless and empty words slip from our mouths. And too often we fail to realise the impact and power of our words.

Black & White : 2

The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence.” 
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

This week has been bitterly cold. I've lost count of the amount of layers of clothes I throw on in the morning, which still don't ever seem to be enough. I think I'm just one of those people who are forever cold. Thank god for the kettle at work!

A diptych for two

Ten days ago I had my bottom two impacted wisdom teeth removed. It was a pretty painful experience. They ripped my gums open, yanked the teeth out, and stitched me back up. This part of the process I didn't feel a thing, thanks to the anaesthetic I was knocked out and in la-la land. It was the pain after that was awful. After ten whole days of living on mash and soup, yesterday I was finally able to eat my beloved croissants again. It felt good, real good. Aslong as this croissant-lover can eat some croissants, I'm okay. At one point I thought I wouldn't be able to bite or chew any food for a long long time. But like they say time heals everything. Well, maybe not everything. Most things? Some things? Ah.

The calm and the storm

I listen. I wonder. I create. I am.

I am the calm.

I slip. I fall. I break. I drown.

Deeper and deeper.

I am the storm.

I pick up the broken pieces. I fix. I stitch.

Silence.

-

But I rip. 

No fix. No stitches.

Chaos.

A battered soul and a tired heart.

Silence and Chaos.

A constant battle.

And I've become

The calm and the storm.

A diptych for two

Sometimes you have so much to say. You want to express all that your heart feels. And you search for the words. The perfect words. Yet, you can't seem to find them. And in the end all you are left with is silence. And you hope, really hope, that it's understood.

Friday Flowers

“With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” 

- Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Happy Friday.

A foggy morning walk

There's something mysteriously magical about foggy mornings. When wandering through fog I feel as though I'm entering a different world. A little escape from the every day world. And when joined by a good friend and my camera it makes a pretty perfect escape. Lately, I've been thinking a lot. Thinking about things I want to do, things I want to achieve, things I want to try, things I want to change but with all this comes fear. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of disappointment. As humans, we all have dreams and we all have fears but should we let our fears overshadow our dreams? And if we never try, how will we ever know? And I think I rather live with failure than live with regret. At least by trying I will know, I will experience, I will grow, and I will learn. And so I've made a pact with myself to make some positive changes. 
And to just do. 

“My Heart Is Afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky. "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Black & White

“The eye should learn to listen before it looks.” 
― Robert Frank

Friday Croissants

Right now I'm a little obsessed with warm chocolate croissants. They make me so happy, and so does Friday.

Happy Friday.